How to have a 1-to-1 Conversation

What's a 1 to 1 conversation?

A 1ton-1 conversation is an intentional conversation to build a relationship with your fellow MoveOn members. It's important that we work together from a basis of understanding each other's goals and motivations in order to do our best organizing.

Here's some additional elements that make a strong 1-on-1 conversation:

• Primarily relationship- building: not solely task or issue-focused.
• These are 2-way conversations: if you're leading the conversation, you need to be willing to share some things from your own life to create a stronger connection and a good environment for the other person to share as well.
• Use "how and why" questions: they are more useful than 'yes' or 'no' questions to find out what people really think.
• "Eye contact": even when we're on the phone, we still need to practice active listening phone skills.
• Set up the time for this conversation in advance: either over email or by phone in advance. It should last around 20-30 minutes. That way, people are prepared to talk!

MoveOn One to One training -- Agenda

2 hours- whole training

1 hr- without optional exercises

1) Opening (5 min)

*name
*an adjective about the best interpersonal interaction you had this week

2) Intro to one-to-ones (5min)

*have people read quotes out loud (see below for handout)
*pair and share- what did you notice
*report back/tie together

3) One-to-One 101 (10min)

*Walk through Hand out First Page (engage the group in discussion that leads to information on the hand out)

oOverview:
oWhy do 1:1s?

*What is a one to one?

4) Your Motivations -- Time/Money/Energy (10min)

Intro:

*In 1:1s we aim to identify motivations-values-creativity-power-love-ambitions- what's important to this person.
*Important to know this about yourself before you're asking it from other people.
*Self interest-- know who you are, be clear about your needs/desires and how you present yourself, ask people to do the same, and then figure out how you want to work together.

Exercise:

Everyone should draw stick figure with ten slots to write on surrounding the stick figure. In these slots, in priority order, have everyone write down how you spend your time, energy, money and be specific -- example-not "be social", but "spend time with partner". Be real-- put in hours of TV or phone or commuting.

Discussion:

What did people think of this exercise?

How does this relate to 1 to 1s?

Points to make-

*Start with yourself- be clear about your own motivations and practice what you preach so you can have credibility when you’re challenging others to do something.
*Have fun -- reflect about what you care about.
*This is organizing -- get people first to identify what's important to them and what their vision is for themselves/their community/the world, then be real about where they are now, and then challenge them to close that gap.

4) HOW TO? (10min)

*Write up each "agenda" item of a 1 to 1 on a separate piece of paper (See page 2-3 of the hand out) and ask people to suggest what order they should go in and describe why . Tape them up on the wall in that order, and move it around as additional people give input.
*At the end describe the suggested order and describe why using what participants have already said

5) Demonstration one to one (20min)

*Demo (10min)
*Debrief (10min)
odid we meet the objectives?

6) Practice and debrief (20min)

*pair up and do it (10min)
*debrief (10min)

oFor the initiator –--what motivates this person? What did you learn? (be conscientious not to share anything that the person might not want shared w/ the big group)
oFor the subject -- what did you get out of it? how did it feel?

7) Make a Plan (30min)

*brief overview of MoveOn campaigns right now
*1 to1 goal setting / look at calendar

• look at MO member lists already developed -- add names
• decide on potential asks -- Join council, come to upcoming event, step into leadership role, etc.
• make deadlines/ commitments for having 1 to1s.
  

8) Close: Go around: how are you feeling about having one to ones to build your MO council? (10min)

One to One Meetings 101 Handout

Overview:

oWe build power by organizing people and money -- how do we do this?

• Through Relationships! One on one relationships are the building block of all organizing!
• Through one to one conversations we,
  +Find the spark--Find others' self interest and reflect on our own
  +Make a fire--Build connection between individual struggles (they're collective!) and agitate toward action!
  

Why do One-to-Ones?

*build public relationship
*identify motivations/goals/ambition/struggles- organizing issues
*identify vision for movement/community/world
*self reflection/clarification
*obtain information
*find out if/how you want to work with the person
*Move toward action

2) What is a 1 to 1 and what isn't?

Is

- A natural but uncommon conversation to get to know someone's values, vision, interests, struggles, motivations

- Building a public relationship

- A little scary sometimes

Nuts and bolts

*Approximately 40 minutes
*Ideally face to face
*No agenda but directed
*How and why questions
*Deep not broad
*A 2 way conversation- 30/70 rule -- share about yourself to build a connection and create openings for the other person to go deeper

Isn't

- Rushed or in a quick phone call: Ideally in person or in a pre-planned phone conversation

- Never over email

- An interview or a sales pitch

- Chit-chat

- The beginning of a best friendship

- More than 1 hr and less than 25 min endless

- Something we usually do in our society

NUTS AND BOLTS of One-to-One meetings

1) How to set up a one-to-one

"I'm working with the [name of place] MO council. I would love to sit down, hear about your experiences, and talk with you about it." Propose specific dates and times.

2) Prep

A) Get materials together

B) Think of three things that you want to ask the person to commit to. Often:

*Join the council

*Come to an upcoming event
*Recruit friends to come to upcoming events

3) The Meeting: Suggested touch points

A) Opening & Credentials

Introduce yourself if you don't already know each other. Briefly share something about yourself -- how you got involved, etc.

B) Break the Ice

Start with easier questions that get the conversation going --

*How long have you lived here?
*How do you spend your time (work? School? Parenting?)? What's that like?

C) Learn their self-interest and agitate

Focus on them but also share about yourself in strategic ways. Discover how this person feels and sees themselves and their community; what motivates them; what their skills and interests are. Asking about people's connection to organizing is a good place to start.

Areas to explore:

*What significant experiences brought them to where they are today?
*What are significant experiences/people who influenced their activism?
*What are their values, ambitions, hopes and dreams?
*Where do they have power? Where do they need or want more? Why / why not?
*What are the things they cannot live without?
*How do they realize power, creativity, and love in their life?
*What makes them angry?
*What are they scared of?
*What keeps them up at night?

D) Briefly explain Move On, the Council, and our current campaign/ campaigns.

(Use the relevant Campaign story here)

E) Find out how the person connects to MoveOn-- move toward action.

F) Ask for a commitment & Closing

After they have made a commitment, ask, is it OK for me to follow up in a week to remind you to ____________? You can also ask, "are there other people you know who might be interested that I could talk to about this campaign?"

4) Evaluation

Take a few minutes to fill out the One-to-One evaluation form, and also think about how the meeting went, and if there is anything you want to do differently next time.

Areas to consider:

*Did I build a relationship?
*Did I uncover motivations, values, ambitions, struggles?
*Did I take any risks? What areas could I have explored more?
*What did I learn about myself?
*Do I want to work with this person? Why or why not?
*If yes, what follow up needs to be done/ what do I want to challenge them on next time we meet?

5) Follow-up

90% of organizing is follow-up! After the meeting, follow up with the person (preferably by phone) to thank them for their time and remind them about whatever commitment they made.

Compiled by MoveOn.org with support from Jews for Racial and Economic Justice , Greater Boston Interfaith Organization, and Abbie Illenberger of the Organizing Support Center

One-to-One Quotes

Forming Community

"How is Community formed? The answer is simple: two lonely individuals create community in the manner that G-d created the world. What was G-d’s instrument in creation? The word. The word is also the instrument with which man creates his own community."

--Rabbi Joseph Soloveitchik

Making Real Connections

"When God made The Man, he made him out of stuff that sung all the time and glittered all over. Then after that, some angels got jealous and chopped him into millions of pieces, but he still glittered and hummed. So they beat him down to nothing but sparks, but each little spark had a shine and a song. So they covered each one over with mud. And the lonesomeness of each spark made them hunt for another, but the mud is deaf an dumb. Like all other tumbling mud balls, Janie had tried to show her shine."

--Zora Neal Hurston, Their Eyes Were Watching God

Changing the world by naming it

"To exist humanly is to name the world, to change it. Once names, the world in its turn reappears to the namers as a problem and requires of then a new naming. Human beings are not built in silence, but in word, in work, in action-reflection."

--Paolo Freire

Transcending the daily grind

"We're in such a hurry most of the time we never get much of a chance to talk. The result is a kind of endless day-to-day shallowness, a monotony that leaves a person wondering years later where all the time went and sorry it's gone."

--Robert Pirsig, Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance

One-to-Ones as a tool for building community

"Although those who concern themselves with details are regarded as folks of limited intelligence, it seems to me that this part is essential, because it is the foundation, and it is impossible to erect any building and establish any method without understanding its principles. It is not enough to have a liking for architecture. One must also know stone-cutting."

--Marshal de Saxe

Sample questions for a 1 to 1:

GOOD INTRODUCTION QUESTIONS TO USE:

What kind of work do you do? Do you live alone or with others?

What's your first political memory? Or, what's the first political work you've ever been involved in?

What drew you to MoveOn in the first place? Was it a friend? A family member? And then, what made you join the council?

This is an especially good place for follow-up questions. E.g., if they've done other political work, what do you like about MoveOn compared to other work you do? Are your friends and family supportive of your work?

If you don't know: What kinds of work have you done with MoveOn? How long have you been involved with the local council?

What part of planning or holding an event do you find most interesting? What part do you not like to do or do you hate being asked to do?

HERE'S SOME QUESTIONS TO USE TO TALK WITH THEM ABOUT THEIR WORK WITH MOVEON:

What significant experiences brought them to where they are today?

What are their values, ambitions, hopes and dreams?

Where do they have power/where do they feel strong? Where do they need or want more? Why / why not?

What are the things they cannot live without?

What makes them angry?